Just Think For A Minute, Would You?

Stop. Just drop everything you’ve got in your hands. Just stop. Look around and clear your mind. Do you notice anything special?

That’s what I thought. You may just look at the words I’ve written, wondering what I thought. Think once more. Did it hit you now? No, you are probably wondering what I am talking about. I’m not expecting many to understand what I’m thinking about when I am talking like this. Well, so it may be, but to be honest, I’m writing this because I feel I have to, not because others are expecting this of me. It gives me a chance to write directly from my heart, and so I will do.

I don’t expect there to be a visible red thread in this, but really, I’d rather be honest. There’s been something in my find for quite some time after I watched an interview. Of course, that interview was “just like any other” interview because it was about a serial and how it was made. I watched it because I thought I’d hear what they said and I was curious about the whole thing. It’s a long time since I watched it, but still, there is something about it that I can’t let go. Or rather, there’s a statement I can’t let go.

“We think of ourselves living in peaceful times, and yet, we’re not.”

Does it ring any bells? No, I didn’t expect so. That quote, when you watch the interview, may sound very “random and little important”, but taking everything under one hand, I don’t think so. I believe it’s suitable in more ways than what you imagine. It’s no secret that there’s unkindness out there, and if we look at the news, where would you begin? No, this is not what I am thinking about when I hear this quote. Well, I think about it, but that’s not what occupies my mind. Not really.

When I look around myself now, that quote comes to my mind at once. It seems to me, that everything has changed this summer. Why, I haven’t done any physical stuff like running up a cliff! Going back to the quote, there’s two ways of seeing it; at the physical level and the mental one. If I look at the mental one, I cannot help but nod.

It feels as I’ve drifted away this summer. I have a letter or two as well as an old e-mail I should answer, but I haven’t managed to make myself do so. I cannot remember the last time I poured my heart and was completely honest about everything. Am I lying? No, but I am not telling everything. I believe most of us know that scenario. I simply feel alone.

Nothing is like it was. They say when you’ve got a task at hand, you should finish it. I know the task I embarked on isn’t finished. What hurts the most, is to know that I did all I could. Now, where does the quote come in? Don’t you see it yet?

I’ve been hurt for the smallest things, I’ve wanted to be honest but haven’t dared to, and most important; I don’t know who to go to. I wonder if I am just a big question mark wandering around, because I’m starting to think so myself. In general, have you ever been there when small actions repeated over and over again, can hurt more than a mean word? I don’t expect any answer, all I ask is for somebody else than me to think about it.

Something else that’s been in my mind for a long time is something of what I dislike the most. If you asked me that question three years ago, my answer would still be the same; injustice and indifference. The last one may be the worst one of them. When I am faced with indifference in a way (I may be the only one who see it), I am hurt and angry. I am not a calm person, but my temper isn’t the most tiresome. However, I get angry when I face indifference, and that anger doesn’t go away at once.

“How can you hope to understand loneliness when you’re causing it yourself?”

Just look at that quote. What do you think? Who do you think this person is blaming and who is suffering? Who said it? I’m not going to answer that now because I’ll end here because my goal with this post, was not answers; it was thoughts.

That’s what I’ve got to say.