Just Think For A Minute, Would You?

lørdag 20. august 2011

Stop. Just drop everything you’ve got in your hands. Just stop. Look around and clear your mind. Do you notice anything special?

That’s what I thought. You may just look at the words I’ve written, wondering what I thought. Think once more. Did it hit you now? No, you are probably wondering what I am talking about. I’m not expecting many to understand what I’m thinking about when I am talking like this. Well, so it may be, but to be honest, I’m writing this because I feel I have to, not because others are expecting this of me. It gives me a chance to write directly from my heart, and so I will do.

I don’t expect there to be a visible red thread in this, but really, I’d rather be honest. There’s been something in my find for quite some time after I watched an interview. Of course, that interview was “just like any other” interview because it was about a serial and how it was made. I watched it because I thought I’d hear what they said and I was curious about the whole thing. It’s a long time since I watched it, but still, there is something about it that I can’t let go. Or rather, there’s a statement I can’t let go.
“We think of ourselves living in peaceful times, and yet, we’re not.”

Does it ring any bells? No, I didn’t expect so. That quote, when you watch the interview, may sound very “random and little important”, but taking everything under one hand, I don’t think so. I believe it’s suitable in more ways than what you imagine. It’s no secret that there’s unkindness out there, and if we look at the news, where would you begin? No, this is not what I am thinking about when I hear this quote. Well, I think about it, but that’s not what occupies my mind. Not really.

When I look around myself now, that quote comes to my mind at once. It seems to me, that everything has changed this summer. Why, I haven’t done any physical stuff like running up a cliff! Going back to the quote, there’s two ways of seeing it; at the physical level and the mental one. If I look at the mental one, I cannot help but nod.

It feels as I’ve drifted away this summer. I have a letter or two as well as an old e-mail I should answer, but I haven’t managed to make myself do so. I cannot remember the last time I poured my heart and was completely honest about everything. Am I lying? No, but I am not telling everything. I believe most of us know that scenario. I simply feel alone.

Nothing is like it was. They say when you’ve got a task at hand, you should finish it. I know the task I embarked on isn’t finished. What hurts the most, is to know that I did all I could. Now, where does the quote come in? Don’t you see it yet?

I’ve been hurt for the smallest things, I’ve wanted to be honest but haven’t dared to, and most important; I don’t know who to go to. I wonder if I am just a big question mark wandering around, because I’m starting to think so myself. In general, have you ever been there when small actions repeated over and over again, can hurt more than a mean word? I don’t expect any answer, all I ask is for somebody else than me to think about it.

Something else that’s been in my mind for a long time is something of what I dislike the most. If you asked me that question three years ago, my answer would still be the same; injustice and indifference. The last one may be the worst one of them. When I am faced with indifference in a way (I may be the only one who see it), I am hurt and angry. I am not a calm person, but my temper isn’t the most tiresome. However, I get angry when I face indifference, and that anger doesn’t go away at once.
“How can you hope to understand loneliness when you’re causing it yourself?”

Just look at that quote. What do you think? Who do you think this person is blaming and who is suffering? Who said it? I’m not going to answer that now because I’ll end here because my goal with this post, was not answers; it was thoughts.

That’s what I’ve got to say.

68 Quips and Anecdotes:

Ajnos sa...

Oh Queen. I don't know what to say. *snugs* is the best I can come up with (it always seems like all I can come up with). You know that you are not alone, and I've told you before how we miss you on TLC (I'll say it again). I don't know everything you're going through or feeling, and I'm not the best when it comes to comfort. But my PM box is open, and I'm around on chat and FB (tho' I might take a short break from chat for a week or so).

I love you, søster.
Ajjie >'.'<

Dana sa...

Dear Marthe,

You are not a question mark to God. He made you, and He knows the deep things of your heart. I pray you take some comfort in that, and in knowing that you can never be truly alone when our God is omnipresent and the Holy Spirit is indwelling. Only Christ was ever truly alone, when His fellowship with God the Father was severed as He became the sin-bearer. In Christ though, our fellowship with God can never be cut off. There are times when God seems distant, but those are the times when we must allow our knowledge of the true promises of God, that He never leaves or forsakes us, to fill our mind and triumph over our often unreliable emotions.

From personal experience, I find my moments of most intense loneliness drive me closer to God, and push me to depend more wholly on Him. I cannot say our experiences are the same necessarily, nor would I ever wish to trivialize what you may be going through, but I would heartily encourage you to consider how God may be using this time of trial in your life to grow you. God has a purpose in everything, whether our pain or our pleasure. Dear sister, my heart aches for you to know you are in pain, but I am also encouraged to know and trust that our God never wastes pain. He will use it to your ultimate good and His glory.

The world pursues happiness, but as Christians, we are called to pursue holiness, and sometimes that is a painful road and a high cost. But I think as we grow, we learn (though often very slowly), at the heart of holiness is true joy.

Those were just a smattering of some of my thoughts, and I do hope they offer a little bit of encouragement at least. Most importantly, I trust you are in God's sovereign hands, and you will be in my prayers. And as you know, drop me a line by e-mail or PM anytime. My inbox is always open to you.

Love you, dear sister in Christ.

Jenny Freitag sa...

I feel as though anything I could say would only be a repetition of Dana's comment, but her comment is true. Oh, sometimes we experience loneliness because we made the loneliness ourselves - I have just crawled through that phase, and I'm sure I'll be there again. But in the midst of it I did realize that there is a cure for the sickness, and that is the presence of the Lord. With Dana, I don't want to trivialize the difficulties in your life, but I must say that a single of God's mercies is greater than all of our trials. I may not know all of your trials, but I do know God's mercies.

"We look to God's mercies. They are enough, I think, to fill our vision."

Ajnos sa...

Hey. I just wanted to let you know that I gave your blog a special mention on mine. I didn't want to re-award the Liebster Award to people who had already been given it, so I made a separate post acknowledging blogs by my friends that had won the award previously. Here's a link:

Love Ajjie >'.'<

(PS. If for any reason you'd prefer that I don't post links to your blog, please let me know and I'll remove it ;-) )

shieldmaidenthoughts sa...

This was so beautiful; it really touched something deep down inside me. Thank you for writing this; perhaps your 'drifting away' has helped anchor some of us. :)
~ Mirriam

Lilly sa...

My dear Marthe, I love you very much. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Your Sister in Christ

shieldmaidenthoughts sa...

I really miss you. I hope you're all right; I wish you'd come back to blogging. =) Wherever you are, I'll pray for you.
~ Mirriam

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